I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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