You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
