Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
