Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Randomize
