I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize