So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
