My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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