What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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