she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
