Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He better not be in your backpack
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
