Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize