I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
