God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
