apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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