Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize