I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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