Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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