do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
