matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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