If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
