i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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