We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
