false alarm. still invincible.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
