I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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