my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
