Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
