please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
