Kiss
Puke
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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