Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
