Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
