Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
