My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize