I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
