I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
