You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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