i think my mom watched the whole time
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
