I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
