Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
