a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
