i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
