I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
