I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize