so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I pour the whiskey from now on
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
