Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
