Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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