So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
