well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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