Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
