why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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