So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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