im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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