the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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