Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
