when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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