all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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