My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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