I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
