It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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