No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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