I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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